The Real Reason Women Struggle to Succeed in Startups (It’s Not What You Think)

When talking about how women are failing at startups, the standard script is to identify systemic bias, shortfalls of funds, and gatekeeping by men. Panels and publications are all too happy to bring up these obstacles, and while they have some basis, in fact, the conversation seems stuck. We are repeatedly told to "Lean In" or "Break Through the Glass Ceiling," but these slogans have little basis in fact and in terms of altering outcomes. Why? Because the real reasons we fail at startups are far more nuanced than the feminist ideology hijacking the conversation.

Let's break the narrative and dig deeper into the cause—and, more importantly, what to do about it.

The Dominant Narrative: What We Keep Hearing

Most of the discussion regarding women in startups highlights systemic issues: we're less likely to receive venture capital funds, faced with biases on the part of male investors, and often underestimated by our own peers. These issues do exist, but they paint only a half-picture. Dwelling on external barriers avoids inner and cultural forces as powerful—if not even more important.

By overemphasizing the idea of systemic oppression, we have inadvertently boxed ourselves into a victim mindset. It assumes that the solution is solely in fixing outside systems, not equipping us for the brutal realities of entrepreneurship. The truth is that startups need a mindset and approach that we have not been encouraged to develop.

The Real Reasons We Struggle

1. Fear of Risk and Failure

Societal conditioning has a way of getting us out of the risk-taking habit. Girls are conditioned early to be careful and not fail, and boys are encouraged to push the limits, fail, and try again. This conditioning shows up in the startup culture, where we're not going to pursue high-risk, high-reward ventures or be forceful about expanding.

Startups are risk. The founders bet on uncertain things, pivot when they get something wrong, and make dangerous bets to outcompete others. If we're not teaching the lesson that we must be comfortable with risk and failure as natural processes, we will always lose.

2. Work-Life Balance Overshooting

Let's face it: startups require sacrifices. Long hours, endless problem-solving, and personal compromises are the entrance fee. And much of the advice directed toward us focuses on finding balance and "having it all." Although balance is a worthy ideal, it's impossible in the initial stages of starting a startup.

The systematic variations between men and women are very much at play here. Men are more likely to be socially socialized to compartmentalize their responsibilities—to focus solely on their job and not feel compelled to perform as well at family, social, and emotional caregiving. We are usually trained, on the other hand, to develop balance in all that we do—our work to our relationships to even our own physical health. This creates an inherent tension when the demands of a startup require full immersion and prioritization of work above all else.

Many successful male founders don’t talk about balance—they talk about obsession. They view their startups as all-consuming endeavors, with personal sacrifices being a necessary and accepted part of the process. We, however, are often pressured to maintain harmony in every aspect of our lives. We’re expected to excel at work, uphold family responsibilities, and stay connected to friends and community—all while maintaining our mental and physical health. This unrealistic and conflicting set of expectations often leads to guilt, burnout, or the decision to avoid the intense demands of startup life altogether.

The cultural expectation that we are to "do it all" is a trap. When men sacrifice personal time for career development, they are praised, but when we sacrifice our personal lives for doing the same thing, we are condemned. That double standard perpetuates the myth that we must choose between career development and fulfillment, discouraging many of us from even attempting the startup experience.

3. The Echo Chamber of Feminist Advice

Startup world is full of uneducated but thoughtful advice from us. "Be more confident" or "take up more space" advice mostly boils down to imitation. It prescribes recipes for lists of things to say, sitting positions, or levers to establish power—but in the form of a disguise. It's more performative rather than transformative.

True authority and self-confidence are not a matter of learning to be powerful but rather of believing we are powerful. Behavior is a consequence, not an assumption. If guidance focuses on the outside without addressing the internal belief systems, it condemns us to incompetence. Copying authority without building true self-confidence is like building a sandhouse—it looks real but collapses when put under stress.

Authority and confidence start inside. They're rooted in a belief system, an attitude, and a sense of our own values. Without it, no amount of "say this, not that" advice will lead to real leadership. We need to build our inner strength and clarity, not play other people's scripts that don't even begin to address the inner work of self-belief and personal growth.

In the outside world, startups require founders to be good at strategic thinking, accounting, and navigating knotted interpersonal relationships. Generic advice regarding behaviors and stance doesn't equip us with what we require in order to actually excel in those areas.

4. Networking Failings

Our networks often lack the power players—male investors, veteran founders, and industry elders—needed to propel our own careers. Sure, female-exclusive networks and mentoring programs are great, but these can sometimes represent an echo chamber that isolates us from everyone else in the ecosystem. Those networks provide more camaraderie than a bridge to decision-makers who hold the key to funding, partnerships, and strategic opportunities.

The source of the problem lies in the character of professional networking. Men are more likely to benefit from casual but powerful networks that develop in locations such as golf courses, private clubs, or late-night work sessions—locations where we are not present or feel like outsiders. Such locations foster natural mentorships, partnerships, and opportunities that we are not a part of.

In addition, there are social norms. We may be hesitant to network with powerful men because we do not want to be misunderstood or judged professionally. This hesitation prevents us from establishing relationships with powerful people who can support our ideas and businesses.

To succeed, we need access to networks that include a combination of allies and decision-makers of various genders and backgrounds. This means breaking out of homogenous spaces and engaging with the broader startup ecosystem, even when it feels uncomfortable. Building trust and rapport with key players takes time and effort but opens doors that exclusive women-only groups simply cannot. Without this, our opportunities for funding, partnerships, and mentorship remain limited, keeping us out of the loop where high-stakes decisions are made.

The Flaws in Feminist Rhetoric

The dominant feminist rhetoric in startups is to paint us as perpetual victims of systemic barriers, cultivating a sense of despair and blaming externalities. Systemic issues are indeed real, but this tendency downplays the power of personal agency and the importance of adapting to the draconian demands of entrepreneurship.

By suggesting we require special arrangements or different criteria in which to succeed, such language runs the risk of reinforcing the same old stereotypes we're trying to obliterate. Real equality in the startup ecosystem is not found in rule-breaking, but in equipping us with the gear, skills, and confidence necessary to thrive in our own way.

Actionable Solutions

1. Focus on Building Grit

Startups are not for the faint of heart. We must embrace failure as learning and risk more, even when the ultimate outcome is unknown. Mentorship and programs must focus on resilience and risk tolerance building rather than merely flagging systemic impediments.

2. Redefine Work-Life Balance

Instead of selling us the fairy tale of balance, we must be honest about what startups require us to sacrifice. Balance is achievable—but not all at once. We can allow ourselves to prioritize our startups through high-growth phases without guilt or peer shame to "do it all."

3. Expand Networking Plans

We must step out and recruit mentors, investors, and male and female co-founders. It's not about discovering mysterious women's societies; it's about establishing alliances that lead to real opportunities.

4. Educate Strategic Thinking

Our training programs must prioritize experiential skills like financial modeling, negotiation, and growth strategies. These are the ones that kill or cure startups, yet they are not part of training programs for women founders.

5. Refuse the Victim Mindset

Finally, we must turn away from outside barriers and focus instead on what we can control. Entrepreneurship is about taking control of our destinies, creating our talents, and finding our voices. Empowerment comes from recognizing and developing our inner strengths, not by demanding that the world change for us.

Our startup challenges are real, but not insurmountable. There is structural bias and systemic barriers, but only half the equation. By embracing risk, fostering resilience, building diverse networks, and investing in personal growth, we can redefine what success in the startup world means.

It's time to shatter the old narratives and equip ourselves with the tools and attitude necessary to succeed in this new landscape. The glass ceiling need not be smashed; it can be rendered useless by circumventing it. We will not find success in startups through accommodation but through transformation. The question is no longer whether we can succeed here but how we will choose to lead.